Fire Police Nazi's Vs. The Reenactors
Here follows the true
saga of the Fire Police Nazis vs. The Reenactors:
On Sunday, July 2, 2000:
My wife parked her car in the parking lot (field) around noon. It was parked
in the very same spot since 15:00 on July 1, and was driven out early July 2
around 10:00. When she returned around noon, the same spot was open so she
When she returned with our daughter around 17:00 on July 2, the car was gone.
A 1993 Dodge Shadow with 120,000 miles on it. "Who the hell would steal
that?" they asked themselves. They approached the Fire Police and explained
that their car was missing, and not likely to be stolen, but could they
please call the police anyway. The Fire Police person was very cordial and
radioed a discription of the vehicle to "Parking Control". The response was
immediate and emphatic: "That car was parked illegally and has been
impounded. Send the owner to the Red Barn!" The Fire Police person was now
not very cordial, he was rather nasty. "Your car was impounded, you have to
go to the Red Barn to claim it" he said sternly, as he gestured to the left
to the Red Barn. "Whaddya mean, impounded? That car was not illegally
parked!" my wife retorted. "Just go to the Red Barn" the Fire Police person
My wife and daughter returned to where the car was parked. They found the
tire marks where the car was wrenched from its resting place to be hooked and
towed. Evidence that the car was parked in a legitimate spot. They found no
signs. No strings. No yellow tape. They found eight vehicles nearby that were
partially or completely blocking the aisles. They wrote these car license
numbers down, with descriptions, to ask why those cars were not towed. At
about this time, my son and I came out to leave. As we approached my pickup,
we saw my wife and daughter standing there. They were not happy campers.
After foaming at the mouth and explaining what happened, we all walked to
where her car was parked at the front of mine and verified that yes, indeed,
she had parked legally. We all entered the pickup to drive to the Red Barn.
As we approached the exit, I put on my left signal. There were signs saying
that all traffic had to exit to the right. The older Fire Police Nazi (FPN)
gestured me to the right. I rolled down my window and said (rather nicely)
"Our car was impounded, we have to go to the Red Barn" as I motioned to the
left. Towards the Red Barn about 1,000 feet away. "No, you have to go right.
All traffic has to go right" said the older FPN. "Then how do I get to the
Red Barn? I am not from around here" I asked. "I don't know. You have to go
right" said the old FPN. "I have to go left to the Red Barn, your person
told my wife that was where we have to go" I implored. "You can just sit
there until you decide to go to the right" said the older FPN and he turned
and waved other traffic on. By this time there was 12 cars waiting behind
us. At this point, the younger FPN approached. He was going to try to be the
"good cop" since his partner was obviously the "bad cop". He said "Why
don't you go to the right, go down the road and make a U-turn?" he advised.
Eureka! A way to get to the Red Barn! "Thank you" I said.
I made the right turn. Within 15 feet I stopped an executed a
perfectly-legal-but-meant -to-piss them off 3-point turn. The older FPN
leaped in front of my car and place his hand on the hood. He whipped out his
radio "Bullfrog 1 to base, send the constable. We have a situation!" he
screamed as officially as he could. He walked to my window. "You could have
just made the right turn and thre would be no problems. Now you have to pay a
fine!" he shouted as he gripped the B-pillar. "Why?" - I shouted into his
weathered face - "Your partner told me to turn right and make a U-turn" I
shouted at the old bugger. His partner, rather flustered, yelled back "I
said to go down the road and make a U-turn!". I shouted "There was nothing
wrong with my 3-point turn. I signalled!" The older FPN called again for
help on the radio, as he had a death grip on my B-pillar: "Bullfrog 1
Bullfrog 1 We have a situation, send the constable!" "Why are you detaining
me?" I asked the older FPN. "You can't just make a U-turn here in the middle
of the road with all this traffic!" he snarled. "Yes, I can. And I did so
legally. And your partner instructed me to do so. I was just following HIS
directions" I responded. "You can't do that, and now you're gonna pay!"
shouted the older FPN. I decided to try a different tact. "Do you have
peace officer status?" I asked the older FPN. "We have Fire Policemen that
are peace officers, they were here earlier" he spit out. "ARE YOU A PEACE
OFFICER?" -I shouted - "IF NOT, YOU ARE ILLEGALLY DETAINING ME AND MY VEHICLE
AND I WILL HAVE YOU ARRESTED FOR FALSE IMPRISONMENT. I WILL THEN PERSONALLY
SUE YOU. ARE YOU A PEACE OFFICER?" "No," he said, as he shrank backwards.
"Just get out of here and I don't want to see you here again" he stammered
out. (I was waiting for "leave my town and don't come back" but he wasn't
that stupid. Close, though.).
I replied "You'll see me again, I'm here the whole weekend. I AM A
REENACTOR!" I shouted proudly. "Well, don't give me any trouble" he shouted
as I drove past him towards the Red Barn.
As we approached the Red Barn, there were yet more Fire Police directing
traffic. I put on my left signal and the FP in the middle of the road
gestured me straight forward. Several times. I leaned out of my window:
"Sir, I need to get to the Red Barn to get my impounded car" as I gestured to
the elusive Red Barn, now just a few yards to the left. "You can't make a
left here" he shouted as he waved me straight. "Well, how do I get to the
Red Barn if I can't go left here?" (there is only one entrance). That
question had him stumped. He paused, then turned and walked over to a group
of Fire Police who were standing on the side of the road waiting for just
such a perplexing problem. After a few seconds of spirited conversation, and
some hand gesturing (I wondered if Bullfrog 1 had radioed ahead that I was
coming), the FP person walked back and pointed.... To the Right! "Park in
there and walk across" he said. Now, after a long battle marching in humid
mid-90 degree weather, I did not relish this thought. But, since the only
entrance had several dozen cars lined up using it as an exit, I decided it
would be quicker to walk there from here. I turned my vehicle into the field
on the right, and walked across to the Red Barn with my daughter.
As I entered, I found some people talking behind some Official Yellow Fire
Police Tape. I announced "My car was illegally towed, who do I talk to? (I
would have used the correct "Whom do I talk to?" but I doubted they would
understand). They motioned outside the Red Barn to a trailer. "See the
constable out there" they said. "Can I go there? This is Official Yellow
Fire Police Tape!" I implored. They said, "Yes, you can". I just wanted to be
As I exited the Red Barn, there was the constable. Outside a trailer sitting
under an umbrella. Behind yet more Official Yellow Fire Police Tape.
"Hello, my car was illegally confiscated and I want it back. A blue Dodge
Shadow." The constable was about 30, both in years and I.Q. He had long
black hair and was likely to respond to the name "Rufus". He approached with
a white receipt with a yellow copy attached to the back. I read the writing
upside-down as he approached my position. It said "C&S Towing". "And, I AM
NOT GOING TO PAY THAT" I stated rather matter-of-factly. He paused and said,
"Well, then, you have to talk to Jim. He's the parking master." Did he say
parking massa? I must be hearing things. Rufus radioed Jim. Within 1
minute, Jim approached on a 4 wheel ATV. As he pulled up, Rufus gestured to
my daughter and me "Come around here". "You mean you want me to go under this
Official Yellow Fire Police Tape?" I asked. Rufus had a 9mm. I did not want
him to be too upset. "Yes, you can come around here to the end of the
trailer". We followed Rufus there, and met Jim.
Jim parked and walked up. He did not look me in the eye. I took this as a
sign that he was feeling guilty about towing my car illegally, or he was
about to spit on me. "I towed that blue Dodge, it was blocking traffic" he
explained. "How can that be?" I asked. "You had that car parked there
yesterday, didn't you?" he asked. "Yes, I did", I said, "Yesterday from 3
o'clock on, then again today until the late morning." "Then you left with
it, and returned later?" he asked. This was scary. Did he keep mental note
of all cars in the lot? "Yes," I explained, "to the same exact spot as
before. You can go there and see the drag marks where your tow truck dragged
my car back across the grass!" "Well, we put a stake in that spot and when
you returned, you parked next to the stake" he explained. I turned to my
daughter. "Is that true? Did mommy park next to the stake?" My daughter was
in a rage, ready to rip these people to shreds. I hoped she stayed calm.
"YES, BUT THERE WAS NO SIGN ON IT!" I interrupted her before she could do
some damage, and turned to Jim: "Is that right? No sign?" "Nope, no sign"
he said. "No Official Yellow Fire Police Tape?" "No, no tape - your car
was parked at the end of the line, and buses and RVs couldn't make it
through" he admitted. "No string? Surely you had string?" I laughed at him.
"No, no string. Just a stake." At this point Jim was beat. "You towed my
car, by dragging it backwards against the transmission lock, based on a
stake?" "Well, we had to pull it out so we could lift the front onto the tow
truck" he explained. "You might have caused transmission damage!" I yelled.
I was feining being upset about the tranny. About this time, Rufus, who said
nothing else, approached with the towing charge slips. Jim motioned away
with his hand to Rufus "No, we're not going to do that to them. Put it away"
he said. "Fine", I told him, "as long as you wave the fee and I have no
transmission damage, then we'll call it even. You know, you could have paged
on the P.A. if you needed it moved." And my daughter and I walked off
towards our car.
As we were exiting the Red Barn property, all traffic had to turn left. I
flashed a grin and put on my right signal. My daughter said, "Don't do it,
Daddy. Lets just leave!"
She was right. I had my fun. And the saga was done.